Sunday, January 18, 2009

In which we answer all your questions

As I surfed through our stats earlier today, I became worried that we here at FTST aren't giving people what they really want. Many of you get here via google searches, and I don't want you to leave empty-handed, without your questions answered. So I'm going to try to address some of the searches I've seen that you are making.

Questions about pregnancy

"at home insemination 2 times insert directions"

So, the answer here depends on whether you are a heterosexual couple or a lesbian couple. If you are a hetero couple, I just have to curse our educational system. What are we teaching kids these days? If you are a lesbian couple, here's the quick-and-dirty directions:
  1. Thaw sperm according to directions given to you at sperm bank (not in a couple of water, that stuff is worth about $5 a sperm and you don't want those boys leaking out)
  2. Get ready. One of you should drop your drawers. The other needs to have a sterile pipette and a speculum.
  3. Visualize the cervix. We had a midwife help us learn to do this. Some folks just stick the junk up there without this step.
  4. If you are holding the pipette, it's time to squirt. If you hanging out with your tush in the air, it's time to visualize your baby. I successfully used a book of baby sweater patterns for this purpose (and it worked -- we got a cute one!)

"how easy is it to get pregnant the first month of trying"
"how difficult is it to get pregnant the first month of trying"

If you are a teenager, it is wicked easy. You might even get pregnant without taking your clothes off. This is why adults hate you.

If you are an adult lesbian, it is both difficult and expensive. Sorry.

"trying to get pregnant for the 5 time"

Obviously, you don't need any help from me! But seriously, I think you have enough already.

Questions about lactation

"how to induce lactation in a weekend"

Well, that's a tall order. If you are babysitting, I recommend just using expressed breastmilk or formula. If it's your baby, then it will probably be around for longer than a weekend. According to one protocol, you'll need at least a month, but some folks just start putting baby to breast as soon as it arrives (with supplementation of course). Remember that there's more to breastfeeding than just the milk, and comfort nursing can be wonderful! Oh, and if you've just given birth then congratulations, and remember that lactating happens naturally for most -- it's a perk of pregnancy!

"what to look for to know that the induced lactation is working"

Milk. Coming out of the boobs.

"moms are breasting baby"
"four breasts"
"induced lactation for sex is it safe"

It's called nursing. They're a perk of being a lesbian. I don't see why not.

Other Issues

"meet other non bio moms"

You can start a blog, or head over to the IVP for great conversation. If you leave a comment here and say "Hi" you'll have a chance to meet several!

"mother too possessive with our baby"

This one could take a whole blog to answer. But the short answer is: talk to her about your feelings and about the fact that the baby is a joint project, have her practice letting go by taking the baby out on short outings, and ask her to sit down rather than hovering over you while you try to change diapers.

But Seriously

Lyn is a frustrated advice columnist. She really wants to answer people's questions. So leave a question in the comments, or just send us one anonymously to firsttimesecondtime at gmail dot com. Ask about anything from feminist parenting, to being a nonbio mom, to how to get your kid to nap, and we'll try to answer. However, we don't really know the answer to the last one for our own kid right now.


Anonymous said...

For hetero or same-sex couples, you can inseminate with fresh sperm very easily as well. One of the small cups that comes with kids medication works very well for holding the sperm. Then use the needle-free syringe to do the insemination.

Anonymous said...

Okay, those are some crazy search terms. I guess you know you've arrived, having such interesting and diverse visitors.

I especially enjoy your advice about inducing lactation in a weekend. Indeed, if you're just babysitting, it's probably just easier to work with frozen.

Anonymous said...

LOL...some of these were hilarious. We get really bizarre search terms, too...I think I'm going to have to steal your idea if you don't mind :)

nutella said...

Ok, I'll ask a question.

What is your favorite nursing bra and where can one buy it? Any advice on the nursing bra/clothing front will be appreciated. I'm not sure how similar our body shapes are (I, myself, currently wear a 34G at 6.5 months pregnant. Oy.) but I'd love to hear your opinions.

Lyn said...

Strawberry -- Steal away!

Anonymous said...

very cool! any chance you can give a quick tutorial on what we need to do to find similar data about our blog?

Anonymous said...

Hah, I love these answers. I always think about the people who find my blog through funny searches too.

Here's my question:

What should our next step be if (after 15 tries) our second donor's sperm also comes out sub-par, our RE won't even throw a clomid pill our way if we're not using frozen because the whole HMO is homophobic and we have very little money?

Just kidding, you don't really have to answer that :)

word to your mother(s) said...

What? With all of these search terms finding their way to your site, I am clearly reading the wrong blog. I thought this blog was about existentialism...
apparently I was wayyyy off..

You two ladies are really funny. Thanks for making me smile this evening. I hope you are feeling better, Lyn!

JenLF said...

Ladies - I just stumbled upon your blog totally randomly (a link from, and I spent about five minutes going...these two sound an awful lot like a couple I already know! ;)

I'm looking forward to reading more, and hope all of you are doing well!


Lyn said...

Jen LF -- It is us (and we love real life people finding us). Congrats on Ava! We must get together soon!